Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
