Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
