fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
