you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
is it fun? or sober?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
