My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
How does it feel to date your dad?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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