When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
