i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
