I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
