u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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