Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
