i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
