He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
