I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
