please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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