Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
