When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
