I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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