Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
