I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
