I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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