my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
