does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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