Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I skipped work to stalk him.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
