I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
