Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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