I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
