I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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