I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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