I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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