TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
