after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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