On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
MIDGETS
????
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
