We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
