so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
