quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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