My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
