If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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