smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
