I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
