google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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