We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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