Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My dick has a subreddit
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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