i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
