Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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