you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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