the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
