Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
