I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
