Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
tell your sister to shave her snatch
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
