I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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