Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
