Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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