***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
